Witty One-Shots/Feeling Sick

John McCain, the Michelin Man, definitely killed a lot of birds with one stone last week when he unfurled his running mate, Sarah Palin, at the Republican convention. You could tell he was sitting pretty like the cat that ate the canary this morning, when he was opposite Bob Schieffer on "Face the Nation." He looked like he had dropped ten years in ten days and was positively lit from within.

As for me, I went from the successive highs engendered by watching the Dems--from feeling light-hearted and buoyant all week--to the unspeakable lows of a mastodon's floundering in the swamp. Everyone I know who forcibly subjected themselves to watching the Republicans do their thing on stage had the same uniform response: it made them sick. I mean really SICK, not as in the metaphor "it made me sick," but real-life actual sick, nauseous and queasy sick, full-body sick. This phenomenon is now so widespread, there must be reasons for it. Op-Ed columnist Bob Herbert may have nailed some of them in his NY Times offering the next day:

"If there was one pre-eminent characteristic of the Republican convention this week, it was the quality of deception. Words completely lost their meaning. Reality was turned upside down."

I'll go even further and suggest that malign spirits occupied the hall that night. Folks waving flags. who yelled "Drill, baby, drill" like they were Nazi butchers whose lungs were nearly bursting. One after another, speakers belittled Obama, mocked him, joked him, raped him, like there was no tomorrow. How to describe what I witnessed? Ugly. Evil. Disgusting.

Here's Rudy Guiliani: "He worked as a community organizer. What? Barack Obama has never led anything, nothing, nada." These words were then echoed by the Republican's newest hate-monger, Sarah Barracuda: "The world of threats and dangers, it's not just a community and it doesn't just need an organizer."

These witty one-shots all drew dark laughter from the crowd. After they were done eviscerating Obama, McCain went on to STEAL his platform, masquerading himself as the leader of "change." (He'd already realized he wasn't going to make it on "experience.")

But what really happened that night seems to have gone largely unremarked. In his choice of Palin, McCain handed the country over to the Republican party's right-wing Evangelical base, the same group of folks that put GWB into office twice, and who up until then had been mostly indifferent to his candidacy. Indifferent to him, as he was to them:

In the not-too-far-distant past, McCain famously assailed Jerry Falwell and Pat Robertson for "the evil influence that they exercise over the Republican Party." (Later he said it was a joke, his standard tactic of obfuscation to disguise what he really means.) In January of 2007, Dr. James Dobson, the influential evangelical leader, said of McCain, "Speaking as a private individual, I would not vote for [him] under any circumstances." Since then, McCain has courted and accepted endorsements from "agents of intolerance" such as John Hagee and Rod Parsley. The very McSame who previously called himself an Episcopalian and shied away from talking about his personal faith, now declares Roe v. Wade must be overturned, and speaks openly about his faith in Christ.

So let's talk about deception! Let's talk about turning reality upside down. Meanwhile, what the Michelin Man has really done (by choosing Palin as his VP) is to set the country up for "four more years" of hideous rule by the same religious Right who have destroyed it. This sinister move now gives him a chance of winning. And they say this man has a conflict between ideals and ambitions? After such an unconscionable sleight of hand, McCain is now gallingly proclaiming himself the "maverick" candidate of "change"? How can you not feel sick? How can you not feel your world is being willfully turned upside down?

Make no mistake. Sarah Palin, as one blogger put it even better than even I could, "is more than a charismatic, lipsticked pitbull. She's Cerberus, the hound of Hades, waiting for us at the gates. I truly fear her, and I want her defeated. Soundly, everlastingly defeated."

Let me quietly lay that comment right side up on a clean surface, so I can better inhale it, deeply.

Dancing with Wolves

Just when you think things can't get any worse, they get worse. Forget my Betty Boop analogy in the last blog: it was way off base--dead wrong--despite the weird physical resemblance. In her political debut last night before the American public at the ghastly Republican convention, Sarah Palin succeeded in making even the worst vermin in that party, Mitt Romney and Rudy Guiliani, look like jello. Well, maybe not exactly jello, but in comparison with Palin, the killer instincts of these men fell so wide of the mark they ended up looking pathetic and just plain disgusting. Sarah Palin, in contrast, is anything but pathetic; she came across as just plain dangerous. Last night the American public witnessed one of the most extraordinary displays of ruthlessness and deceit in its history. Sarah Palin is the "October surprise," arriving somewhat prematurely in September.

Beautifully disguised as Everywoman, with a few frontier wilderness archetypes tossed in, Sarah Palin proved she is Karl Rove in spades, Dick Cheney in drag, a woman with a pretty face, a cute family, and a hideous, clawed tongue. No wonder Mac the Black referred to her as his "soul mate." These two may perfectly deserve each other, but our poor, beleaguered country cannot take much more of this, or it will die. It will die from an overdose of abuse and lies.

Sarah Barracuda may look like she just stepped out of a chorus line, but she is nasty piece of work, well-versed in blood sports. Not only does she dance with wolves, she also shoots them from the air in helicopters. Last night, this "aerial wolf-sniper" put her vicious training to smart political use when she had Barack Obama in her sights and fired on all cylinders. Palin isn't the type of hunter who looks into the eyes of her prey and meets it with compassion. She shoots to kill and obviously enjoys every moment of the slaughter. Some comments from a few friends on my email today:

"i felt a subtle, terrifying shudder, whenever she made a snide remark, which curled her lip, wrinkled her nose and caused her eye glasses to rise up. She is a power-hungry, arrogant, angry and ruthless person. we don't see many women liike this ever! She is an anomaly. i can easily imagine her delivering torture and even serving on the gestapo or as a guard in one of Hitler's camps."

"I did hear her voice on NPR upon waking up…shrew was my first thought…evil mean bitch was a close second. Why are Republicans SO mean-spirited, so so so mean and cruel, but their own mistakes and flaws are viewed as ok? Evil and scary."

"I watched it and I am sick. She was real good at convincing the crowd that she was very qualified for the job and was a real person with her own ideas. It seems that the GOP 's platform now sounds like the Dem. platform. Are not the Dems for change? I am not watching this anymore."

"Going to light lots of candles tomorrow for Obama and Biden.
They are going to need some help.
It all comes down to--are there more of them... or more of us?"

That, my friends, is the big $64,000 question. In the electoral map, does the compass now point north? We'll have to live on pins and needles right down to the wire until we finally get the answer to that question.

Betty Boop and the Michelin Man

And what a week it's been! I spent the better part of it shuttling back and forth between the TV and the computer, studying the blog commentaries as the Democratic convention proceeded. Each day my spirits would soar ever higher as the growing chorus of REAL MEN did serious battle to take back our country from the villains, thugs, slime balls, and little Hitlers who have been holding it captive for so long. Watching this happen was not only awesome, it was downright voluptuous! I haven't seen such authentic and beautiful masculinity on display like that since, well, maybe ever! You go, guys!

Much has been touted about how history is being made this election cycle, from the first successful African-American candidate ever for president, to how far women have come, thanks to Hillary, in breaking through the glass ceiling in politics. These are both important landmark events, to be sure. For me, however, the real history being made at the Democratic convention was something more subtle but no less significant, and it seemingly went unnoticed and unrecognized: the transformation of patriarchal consciousness into a genuinely mature and empowered masculinity. How thrilling to watch and listen to Ted Kennedy, Bill Clinton, Al Gore, Jesse Jackson Jr., Mark Warner, Tim Kaine, Joe Biden, and (notably) John Kerry, as they stepped up, one after the other, to the podium with fire in their bellies, and committed themselves (and their party) to renewing the promise and hope of America. Then there was the amazing finale: Obama himself, whose composure and unflinching gravitas on the stage in Denver in front of 82 thousand people (plus the unseen 38 million others who were watching at home) seemed to mark an end to the reign of the Lord of the Flies, replacing its infantile grandiosity and tyrannical abusiveness with real stewardship at last. Incredible, bracing integrity was everywhere, like a strong blast of sea air.

While all this was happening and "good King" energy infused Invesco Stadium, a different group of swinish men from the Republican War Room (set up a mile away) were dancing around the giant amphitheater dressed up in Roman togas--caricature Herods and Caligulas, whose degradation of others knows no bounds. They were doing their best to ridicule and demean the talented men within. This was for me the defining moment of the convention, signifying the real meaning of all that is at stake in this election. If it is indeed important what thoughts and images we are invoking in our lives, then this surely is the image that says it all. "It seems," write the authors of "King Warrior Magician Lover," "that we as a species live under the curse of infantilism...patriarchy is really "puerarchy" (ie, the rule of boys)." But, as Barack said, finally, and with all the force he could conceivably muster: "ENOUGH!"

Oh God yes, let it be so.

No time lost, however, before McSmear (newly minted by me as the Michelin Man), not to be outdone for a single minute, did what he always does best: refocus attention away from Obama and onto himself so that he can win the next news cycle. Out of the magician's hat comes Sarah Barracuda, his stunning but outlandish choice for VP candidate. A Miss Alaska runner-up, former mayor and hockey mom from Wasilla, she hunts, wears fur, and if (by her own admission) she doesn't quite understand what a VP does, at least she does know how to shoot an M-16 and cook a mean caribou burger. All told, she gave John McCain a good day. Sarah Palin may not know much about foreign policy yet, but she has now owned a passport for at least six months, and anyway, as she says herself, "I have a chance to learn about foreign policy at the foot of the master."

People everywhere across the country and in the media have been electrified by the news, so from McSmear's point of view, Mission Accomplished! A few folks, such as Maureen Dowd, wondered exactly what would happen to the country "when the two-year governor of an oversized igloo becomes commander-in-chief after the president-elect chokes on a pretzel on day one." Hopefully, though, this will never happen. Hopefully John McCain will not become President. "The P.T.A.," she further quipped,"is great preparation for dealing with the K.G.B."

But not everyone feels like Dowd. Mark Steyn states in the National Review that Palin is not just "'all-American', but hyper-American. What other country in the developed world produces beauty queens who hunt caribou and serve up a terrific moose stew?... Next to her resume, a guy who's done nothing but serve in the phony-baloney job of 'community organizer' and write multiple autobiographies looks like just another creepily self-absorbed lifelong member of the full-time political class that infests every advanced democracy." I hope he was wearing his toga when he wrote this.

Not to be outdone in the response department, I did my own consultation with the Thesaurus. Sarah Palin and John McCain, I asked, what's the deal here? Is this an inspired or a lunatic choice?

You may not believe this, but my finger landed directly on the word "DEMENTED." It was under the larger heading of "insanity" and some of the other words in the vicinity were: "moonstruck, not in one's right mind, personality disorder, monomania, mentally handicapped, idiotic, cretinous, unhinged, bonkers, capricious, gaga, nuts." I think I'll let these words pass, unadulterated, as my own personal comment on the situation. Nothing else is needed. It is possible that John McCain is not only crazy to win this election, but also that he is just plain crazy. Out of I don't know how many text messagers who wrote to CNN that day after the choice was announced, 33% said it will help, 67% said it will hurt. Either way, the new development is sure to add another level of convulsion to an already convulsed electorate.

BinGo Joe

Now that Joe Biden is officially on the ticket as Obama's running mate, I'm really fired up about the convention! Despite the exorbitant $50 million being spent for security alone (how many bridge and school repairs does that represent?) and despite the Denver City Council having outlawed carrying buckets of feces onto the premises, the important thing is that the excruciating loneliness of the long-distance runner has finally ended.

For nearly two unrelenting years, David has been wrestling Goliath all by himself--kicked around like a football on a daily basis, not only by opponents and detractors, but often by supporters as well. Thus far in the story, the hero has behaved with grace, poise, concentration, and self-confidence. His opponent on the other side, a prankster and the Father of Lies, has deprecated him for all of his real efforts, delighted in trying to shoot him down and destroy him, convicted him for his charisma. With the energy that comes from envy, he has raged at his specialness and seemingly emerged victorious.

Finally, however, we've arrived at the classic moment in the fairy tale when, just as all seems lost, the magical helper arrives whose guiding hand allows the hero to complete his impossible task. BinGo Joe! Obama says of Joe Biden: "He's what others pretend to be." About his old senatorial buddy John McCain, Biden says: "I don't recognize the guy anymore."

So the hero gets to "cross the Delaware" with Joe Biden: someone who has great admiration for him and respects his capacity for leadership and self control. Perhaps the symbolic father he never had will now be at his side, egging him on, cheering for him and covering his back. In choosing Biden, I think Barack has made a game-changing choice, one that may even prove to have been a "checkmating" one. The loneliness may be over, but there is still the big sprint to the finish line. With a bit of luck, things may go a little easier from now on, because, as somebody else put it, the Democrats finally have a Fight Club. Speaking of fighting, let me share these wonderful images I found in a random blogger's commentary (complete with misspellings and all):

"A couple of years ago, i had a pizza dream... one of those dreams where one thing after another happens and it all seems logical at the time.

When i woke up the vivid thing i remembered was Joe Bidden in the Senate slapped Dick Cheney's face with a kid glove. Then, we raced to the Washington Mall in time to see old Joe in a wig and velvet cut-away coat brandising a sword. He then proceeded to cut all Cheney's clothes off his back till Cheney stood white, fat and naked in front of a big crowd. Very statisfyin', i can tell you. I have recognized my crush on Joe Bidden ever since. A real man. Sometimes you just need to send in a real, stand-up guy."

And speaking of fighting, here is Obama responding to a Newsweek interviewer this week about whether he may or may not be too soft for this unsavory political contest:

"...the world out there can be tough... there is evil in the world and not every problem can be solved by mutual understanding, and power will assert itself and may not stop asserting itself until it hits a wall. I think that's true in American politics, and I think that's true in foreign policy. [You need] countervailing power. Which is why you have very rarely seen me in my campaigns throwing the first punch. But I'll tell you what, if I get punched, very rarely have you seen me not hit back hard."

"Ours is not an age that wants heroes," write the authors of "King, Warrior, Magician, Lover," Robert Moore and Douglas Gillette. "Ours is an age of envy, in which laziness and self-involvement are the rule. Anyone who tries to shine, who dares to stand above the crowd, is dragged back down by his lackluster and self-appointed 'peers.'

"We need a great rebirth of the heroic in our world. Every sector of human society, wherever that may be on the planet, seems to be slipping into an unconscious chaos. Only the heroic consciousness, exerting all its might, will be able to stop this slide toward oblivion. Only a massive rebirth of courage in both men and women will rescue the world. Against enormous odds, the Hero picks up his sword and charges into the heart of the abyss, into the mouth of the dragon, into the castle under the power of an evil spell."

Anyone who views what is going on over these next couple of months as anything less than an archetypal struggle for the future of our world is missing the entire political point.

Georgia on my Mind

"If the American army can take over Baghdad, why can't Russia take over Tbilisi?" It's a reasonable question that was asked by a Russian soldier to an NPR reporter in Georgia. He has a point, you have to admit. I'm not expert in international affairs, but I'm going to take a wild stab at answering it.

Do you find yourself smiling inwardly, or maybe cringing outwardly, when you hear George Bush scolding Vladimir Putin, indignantly demanding that Russia stop the bullying and intimidation, and respect Georgia's sovereignty and territorial integrity? Do you squirm with any discomfort at this?

Bush knows what to do, according to one female Georgian refugee. Why wouldn't he save them? A major thoroughfare in the Republic of Georgia is named in his honor, and Bush is a strong advocate of Georgia becoming a member of NATO, the Western alliance in which members agree to come to each others' aid if militarily attacked.

Georgia is another of those neocon pet satellites of "democracy" in the heart of an otherwise anti-Western and hostile region right on Russia's flank, known as the Caucasus. Georgia helps the US secure access to another of those big, beloved sources of black, sticky stuff that wars are fought over these days. US forces have trained the Georgia military.

Not surprisingly, the Kremlin is not happy about this mini-kingdom of pro-American democracy on its doorstep. It is even less happy about having a US missile interceptor system, ostensibly meant to block missile attacks from the Middle East, installed on Polish soil. Have no fear, though, because Bush has already sealed the deal. When you know how to do a thing you do it right. Now Russia has signaled to Poland that, assuming the Polish government sticks to the plan, it is exposing itself to a possible nuclear attack by you-know-who.

So, it's time to choose your sides, guys. John McCain has already made his choice crystal clear. With utter sham seriousness, he was all over television articulating the message that "We are all Georgians now." Had he been within arm's reach, I'd have smacked him. Still, once affirmed, it turns out to be true: Randy Scheunemann, his campaign's chief foreign policy adviser, is a big cheese Washington lobbyist who has many dealings with Georgia. In a gross display of supreme commander-in-chiefness, McCain has already dispatched his stooges, Lindsay Graham and Joe Lieberman, to the region. The red telephone has never seemed more compelling, immediate, or visceral. The good guys are off and running on Day One to thrash the bad ones. And they haven't even made it to the White House yet.

And what about Barack? Poor Barack! Presumably he lies, bewildered and sleepless, in the school room, reduced to battling Swiftboaters and staving off the bad effects of his "popularity," while the big boys take real action with their sticks and stones. "Obama Nation" (otherwise pronounced "Abomination") has just come out and is already at the top of the charts--the latest smear book vomited up (and purchased in bulk) by the Republican slime machine. Smirk! Smirk! That should keep the rock star busy and off the streets! Distracted by distraction.

I've written before of my concern about a possible "October surprise" right before the election. We all assumed it would be a bomb attack on Iran's nuclear facilities--if only the American people hadn't had enough already of wars in the Middle East. So look Ma, no hands! Now that we've all become Georgians, how about a nice Russian surprise instead? And don't forget the sour cream!

I've decided to make my remarks from now on as if Cindy McCain and Laura Bush were in the room with me. That way I won't embarrass or shame the women who sleep with these men every night with my own very critical remarks. I don't want to disturb anybody else unnecessarily with my thoughts.

The Big Star Spangled Smear

I was so outraged by John McCain's undercutting Obama's superb job on his overseas trip with kryptonite ads, shot mercilessly all week across tv screens like Elsa Maxwell out of a cannonball, that I wrote the following letter to my local newspaper, the Roanoke Times. (The ads succeeded so well that the week was spent by the media discussing the pros and cons of these ads. Nobody bothered to assess Obama's trip.)

Letter to the Editor:

While Barack Obama was abroad, working hard to restore America's standing in the world and succeeding wherever he went, John McCain was busy at home plotting his opponent's downfall. For a solid week McCain lashed out at Obama with scurrilous and degrading television ads, hoping to delegitimize Obama's potent popularity and make him out to be nothing more than a tawdry glitz queen, on a par with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton. Afterwards, he said it was all meant to be a joke. Forgive me if I fail to get the joke.

Pundits say this election will be a referendum on Barack Obama's fitness to lead. This is to intentionally omit the other crucial half of the equation. Someone needs to say it, so let it be me: there ought to be a referendum on John McCain, who so far has demonstrated a lethal combination of stupidity, desperation, and ruthlessness that clearly makes him unfit to fulfill his tragic ambitions to be our president. The difference between these two candidates is so dramatic as to be almost unbearable.


Thumbail portrait of McSmear:


McCain appears at a motorcycle rally in Sturgis SD/Mayhill Fowler

"President Johnny!" the bikers shout as John McCain takes the stage. VROOM-VROOM-VROOM! The choppers add their chorus. "I'll take the roar of 50,000 Harleys any day," McCain says in reference to Obama's crowd in Berlin. "FREEDOM!!!" the poachers at the press table roar, and the table shakes as if under attack. McCain mentions his rival again, saying Obama wants to save gas by inflating tires, and some of the bikers cry, "Fuck him! Fuck Obama!"


McCain outlines his campaign strategy at the National Republican Senatorial Committee gathering while running for the Senate :

I play to win. I do whatever it takes to win. If I have to fuck my opponent to win I'll do it. If I have to destroy my opponent I won't give it a second thought.



John McCain's team has decided, given the gale forces against his candidacy, that he must destroy his opponent. Nine out of 10 political strategists, when faced with his playing field, would probably take this route. Barack Obama is struggling with a more complex strategic question: How does he counter the mud and not tarnish his own brand? A casual attempt this week to flick McCain's charges off his shoulder dragged Obama into a silly and distracting discussion of race. The ghosts of losers past must haunt his team -- will Obama be Swift-boated if he doesn't strike back hard?

Umbrella in the Mud!

Just to let my readers know that I am still alive, well, and kicking! The campaign is heating up, and so, by the way, am I. McCain's daily discharges of petulant energy are becoming raw optical experience: something extraordinary to behold! Gertrude Stein briefly returned to life the other day and passed on some campaign comments to Virgil, who then passed them on to me:

"This one, and the one I am now beginning describing is JOHN MCCAIN and this is a little story of the acting in his being....he was running and he was in the street and it was a muddy one and he had an umbrella that he was dragging and he was crying.'I will throw the umbrella in the mud,' he was saying...and no one was near him and he was dragging the umbrella and bitterness possessed him, 'I will throw the umbrella in the mud,'...'I will throw the umbrella in the mud,' and there was desperate anger in him; 'I have throwed the umbrella in the mud,' burst from him, he had thrown the umbrella in the mud and that was the end of it all in him...."

Meanwhile, in the absence of writing about all of the month's events myself, I have been collecting some of the more juicy tidbits from other blogs, a little midsummer gift to you from the COLLAGE QUEEN! as follows: (Please enjoy)

"Consider the huge difference in intelligence level between McCain and Obama. McCain blunders and stumbles and is just hard to watch because he is embarassing himself. Obama projects eloquence and charisma, an image which inspires our pride. Instead of addressing this shockingly huge disparity in talents, the press is trying to convince us that somehow we have two relatively equal contenders.
How is it that the press has no problem raising the issue of Obama's lack of political experience but shies from the very real issue of McCain's lack of intellect."

"Bush has to have all the unwashed held off a couple blocks away in "first amendment zones" in his own country. Can you imagine him standing in front of 200,000 germans and giving one of his uhh, duuh, speeches or McSame doing the same? McSame is most comfortable standing in front of the cheese rack in Krogers. bush and McSame would have trouble filling all the seats in a porta-potty."

"This is a pretty bad week for Mc CAIN...the surge is supposed to work but there is an assassination,
he wants oil drilling but there's been this accident on the Mississippi...Obama is overseas making a triumph there and Mc CAIN is having hard time trying to...i don't even know what he is trying to do but i do know that he is complaining(whinning?) over this success..."

"While Barack was abroad trying to restore the respect America lost under Bush/McCain, McCain lurked behind at home telling lies about him. This is indeed a dishonorable campaign, reeking of desperation."

"Obama shone and regalled everywhere. MCBush whined and cursed. Obama made us all proud about this country. The sight of hundereds of thousands listening to an American politician and waving an American flag is one we have longed to see for the last eight years. Neocons scortched this country and reduced us to a warring nation without intellect. Obama changed that with a single speech and a single trip abroad. God bless him."

"McCain turns 72 on August 29th. I hope Obama"s team marks the day by advising the public that McCain"s political ambition drove him to kick his mother off the campaign trail after she assured the voters that her son was GWB biggest supporter.

"How can you tell when John McCain is lying?"
"When his lips are moving."

"Ready BEFORE Day One. Ready Now.
God this guy is good."

"Both McCain (894th out of 899 at Annapolis) and George W. Bush revel in their under-achieving school days, as if this made these scions of hyper-privilege any closer to real people. This tactic clearly succeeded well enough for Bush to be elected president twice, and McCain to be nominated once. But there is a sense that American voters may not be taken in again and that they may actually enjoy as president someone who isn't an inbred moron or a senile fratboy."

"What angers John McCain and bemuses many traditional observers is how unflappable Barack Obama remains in public, no matter how condescending the attacks. There is little doubt that the thick skin he grew over decades came in handy as he started to run for president. The past 18 months surely were not the first time Obama was baited for being black, for being white, for being Muslim, or for not being from "here," and it must be fascinating, although not unexpected, for him to see these patronizing attitudes resurface at this stage of his life. For the rest of us, what is fascinating is to witness how these old-school mindsets are backfiring on those who hold them, making them look less wise, more prejudiced, less fit to lead and altogether completely unappealing."

"Mc and his campaign are looking more unprofessional, childish and stupid by the day."

"This coming Monday, August 4th is Sen. O's birthday I plan to double my monthly donation for this occasion. I hope others will also consider a donation on Monday, let's give O his biggest fund raising day yet!"

HAPPY BIRTHDAY BARACK!!